Conversation at work:
Straight girl: “I played with Barbie growing up.”
Lesbian: “so did I, I loved playing with barbie. (shocked straight girl face) I had a surf shop!”
Straight girl: “…oh, i had a beauty salon.”
Lesbian: “and that’s the difference!”
Stereotypes come from somewhere….
Really enjoyed this video! Ash Beckham speaks about dealing with difficult things and coming out of your closet.
Have you ever felt like you never fit into a group or a role? I have started working through a job coaching booking called The Pathfinder. This book makes you seriously question and reflect on things in your life. The idea is that this book will help me discover “what I want to be when I grow up”.
Because at 31 I still don’t know “what I want to be”. Ok, maybe that isn’t the correct phrase… maybe it is more about the idea that I still don’t know what I want to wake up and do every day (for the next ‘however’ many years of my life). The lack of understanding “what I want to be” is something that started when I hit 16. Such an awkward time and such a massive decision to make when you are 16, 17, or 18.
I’ve been through high school, an undergraduate degree and even a masters degree… and I still have no idea what I want to do with myself. I think my uncertainty may be potentially influenced by the fact that I never really fitted into a group or role (except maybe one).
For instance, when I was in school I did a lot of activities that the so called ‘smart kids’ did, but yet I was never smart enough to be a ‘smart kid’ (really, I think I’m just an average person who is borderline smart so they let me hang out with them). I did music, theater and art… but was never really part of the ‘arty group’. I played softball, basketball and enjoyed gym class… but I was really never part of the ‘sporty group’. Altogether, these experiences left me with a mixture of skills but no real guidance.
College came and I went on to be a dual major. One of my majors was filled with outdoor loving individuals and the other major was filled with more serious managerial type achievers. Which once again left me in the middle of two groups.
The only group or label that has ever completely fit me is being gay/lesbian. I am definitely a card carrying member of the lesbian gang. This group/label led me to being the president of my college’s gay-straight alliance (no offence to those who are bisexual, we use to say the dash was for you). I loved this role! We did really well at increasing our presence on campus and achieving a lot of “gay” firsts on campus. All that work and passion wasn’t down to me though, it was down to a great group of friends and supporters who made it happen. I just enjoyed helping them achieve such great things.
So I guess this reflection has allowed me to see that I am really an average lesbian who is borderline smart with a lot of different skills and interest. No great breakthrough but maybe this reflection will help me discover what I really want to do with the rest of my life.
Every year I try to do something new and this year I’m going to attempt blogging… So wish me luck!
I, like many others, am hopeful that 2014 will bring great and exciting things. None of us really wish to have a bad year… And secretly I feel that I am owed a great year after the never ending rollercoaster of 2013. Don’t get me wrong, there were some good things like meeting my girlfriend and my best friend from university having twins….
But, by the end of the year the nice things seemed lost in a whirlwind of change. Too much to go into in our first introduction but a quick timeline is enough to satisfy your curiosity.
~ The word divorce reared it’s head and my eight year relationship/ 6 year civil partnership ended.
~ Received a phone call in the middle of the night telling me my father had killed himself… which lead to an emergency trip home to America.
~ Losing everything I’ve grown to know and living in a place with no family.
~ Finding out my best friend, who just gave birth to twin girls,has been diagnosed with leukaemia.
Some might say focus on the positives and I agree…. but I believe in taking time to feel and understand the things happening in my life.
Not what i expected to be going through in my early thirties… Who actually has a life plan that works out?
…and i say roll on 2014, I am growing and ready for more life lessons (just be gentle this year)…